Habits 4&5

Something that I have always had the ability to do is be empathetic. Though that skill comes naturally to me, there are times that I am not always an empathetic listener. There have been multiple times that I have not been an empathetic listener, but one specific time stands out to me the most. I have a friend that complains almost 100% of the time. After awhile, I tend to stop being empathetic to the things she says. There was one situation in which she was having a very challenging time with her boyfriend. She had been struggling with her boyfriend for a long time, and after being very empathetic to her situation for along time, I had grown tired of listening to her situation. I told her several time that her situation would not get better if she didn’t put herself first, and stand up for what she deserved, but still she continued to let her boyfriend call the shots. During this specific time, I had grown tired of being empathetic and was a too harsh. Because I was so harsh with her, it caused a big rift in our friendship. I wish that I had chosen to continue to be empathetic to her situation. From what I have learned, it is best to let someone you love come to their own conclusion about their relationship, rather than force them into coming to that conclusion. I wish I would’ve been calmer, and more understanding in this situation to avoid losing a dear friend.

I think my current outlook on life is Win-Lose. I often compare myself to others and think that if they are more successful than me, then that means that I am not successful at all. I always make myself inferior to those who are succeeding, because I want to be the one who is succeeding. I think it is difficult for me to be a win-win thinker because of self doubt. In society, we often say that someone else’s success directly affects our own. When it comes to women, society loves to impose self-doubt and competitiveness. I think that if we choose to encourage each other rather than hope for the worst for someone else so we can be the one succeeding, we would have a healthier outlook on life. I find it difficult to remember this fact, but that is something that has been revealed to me through my relationship with God in the recent past. I have been learning to focus on the good, rather than the demise of others. I have also been trying to remember that no matter what someone else is succeeding in, as long as I am succeeding by my standards, that is enough. Competitiveness is what destroys self esteem, and with competitiveness being what we all focus on, it is hard not to have a lose-win or win-lose attitude. My previous attitude of a win-lose attitude has really made it hard for me in friendships. Constantly comparing myself to my friends’ success leads to jealous and envy as well as resentment.